I don't do Halloween costumes anymore. It's not that I don't love a good game of dress-up, because I do. Back in college, I had a long line of great costumes. Audrey Hepburn, Samantha the year we were the girls from SATC, Tina Turner (yes, really). I loved dressing up. I appreciate a well thought-out costume. A creative costume.
In 2006, the creative costume bug hit me, coincidentally the same year I decided to dabble with lighter colored hair. I was Monica Lewinsky. Complete with beret, cigar, blue dress with an, ahem, "stain" my mother of all people helped me concoct. And a badge I cooked up that said, "Special access: Oval Office."
A bunch of my friends went out (sexy cowgirl, sexy fairy...sigh...) that night to da clubs, where of course you ran into the scantily clad firefighter, the naughty naughty devil, a barely-there-nighty-wearing angel, etc. I looked like an old school marm next to all of that -- I was wearing a knee-length dress for crying out loud! The most horrific part of it all was the lack of recognition. I had people my own age who had never even heard of this Monica character. Is she a spy? One guy asked me my name and I answered, "Monica Lewinksy." He asked me where I worked...he was really making it way too easy. I told him I was a white house intern. "That's cool! But, well, Monica, you should be careful not to lose your badge." The worst part, he was serious. I walked away. Shoulders slumped. Spirit broken.
The next year I toyed around with being Tonya Harding. You know, french braid, ice skates, an old Olympics sweatshirt, crowbar...but no. I knew that in these days of sexy mermaid, sexy teacher, sexy cop, I was setting myself up for heartbreak once more.
So until I can top Monica, *no pun intended* in a world where creative and thought-out costumes are appreciated, consider me in early costume retirement.
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